As a child, it is difficult to distinguish between how you feel about the abuse you experienced and your sense of self. And when you are left to heal on your own, these feelings become harder to separate. Childhood abuse can create negative feelings about yourself, including guilt, shame, anger, and fear, that stay with you for many years. But, it’s never too late to learn to love yourself.

Learning to Love Yourself After Childhood Abuse

Below, we share some strategies you can use to help build your self-esteem and enable you to love yourself more. Not every activity will work for every person, so pick the ones that best match your needs.

1. Commit to Self-Care

Taking care of your physical and emotional health is a crucial step toward loving yourself. Many who were abused when they were young feel unworthy or undeserving of love, and this reflects in how they treat their own bodies and minds. No matter what you THINK you deserve, spend time each day focused on treating yourself well. Treat yourself like you would a treasured friend.  Take care of yourself by eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and lowering your stress levels. Check in with yourself to see how you are doing and make adjustments accordingly. The first step to loving yourself is paying attention to yourself and making sure you are getting your most basic needs met.

2. Begin Setting Boundaries

First, you need to find your priorities about your emotional health. What things upset you or hurt your feelings? What needs to be present for you to feel safe? Those things are important to you, and it doesn’t matter what they are. They are your needs. And your needs should be honored.  Expressing your boundaries to others, letting them know what you need in order to connect with you, is essential. It’s setting expectations for your relationships with others, which means you can develop trust with others and know you are going to be valued. Establish your boundaries for yourself, then make sure others know what they are, too.

3. Be Yourself

Participating in activities that bring you joy and spark your passion can help you connect with yourself and value your interests. When you spend your life living in stress and feeling exhausted, there’s nothing toward which to look forward. Learning to be yourself and do what makes you happy can help you feel better about your goals and learn to love yourself again.

4. Let Go Of The Pain

Letting go is not about forgetting the old pain and abuse you suffered to escape these feelings. Instead, it is about recognizing that you, as a child and now as an adult, did not deserve what happened to you. Learning to let go of the pain from the past allows you to give yourself permission to be free from past hurts and trauma so that you can begin creating the live you truly want to live.  Letting go and accepting that you are ready to move on is the only way you can come to truly love yourself.

Learning to love yourself after growing up with abusive parents can be a process that takes a long time. Working with a support system that includes a professional counselor or therapist can help you work through your pain and learn to feel confident and positive about yourself moving forward

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